A Glimpse In

This is a tough topic to write about, but, alas, I’m still going to do, because I feel it is important to do so. So, take a pass on this one if you’re looking for a cute Avery story, or more pictures of Avery swinging or modeling her pink sunglasses. This one’s a heavy topic, so as Avery say’s “here we go!”

Today is my would-have-been due date of our second child. It is hard to write about; sort of like picking a scab, but, like I said, important to do so. Funny how this topic still rattles me. Some of you have been asking where we’re at with all of this, which has prompted me to comment on the miscarriage, and try to do so more eloquently than I can on the phone or in person.

To be honest, the loss still hurts, and I suspect it will for some time. But, it has gotten easier, and we’ve come to accept the loss as part of our story. We’re in a bittersweet spot right now: if we hadn’t lost our second, would we have anticipated this child that we’re currently expecting?

I’ve been reading “A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss” by Jerry Sittser. It is a powerful, thought-provoking read, and his writings relate to all persons who have experienced loss in any shape or form.

He writes, “The experience of loss does not have to be the defining moments of our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters so much as what happens in us.”

Sittser’s statement has been a terrific challenge for us. To not wallow in our loss, but to try our best to accept it, move beyond it, and be different because of it. By different I mean to better appreciate what we do have—especially as it relates to Avery and this next little girl. We feel challenged to be more “in the moment” and appreciate the ordinary and simple blessings of our day-to-day lives.

Still, we’re saddened. We do feel a void in our family. We do feel like someone is missing. I guess this is normal: to grieve and miss the child we’ve never met. So, on this would-be-date, it’s hard not to wonder about what might have been, while still anxiously anticipating what is still yet to come.