Growing pains

Our little Avery-mouse

Dan and I had a light bulb moment a few weeks ago. Crystal clear, the ‘water ain’t muddy no more’ kind of moment. Dan and I are still so green when it comes to parenting (and a lot of other things!). We’ve learned a lot over the last few years, but we still have so much to learn, and often feel overwhelmed by the fact that the “playing field” keeps changing, and we too, have to be quick to change and adapt or else.

To what parenting challenge am I referring to? Discipline. It’s difficult to know what situations/actions warrant which reaction/tactic/consequence. We’ve tried a lot of different things, but what I’ve come to realize, more clearly now than ever, is that consistency is the key.

Our latest mountain has been teaching Avery that it isn’t acceptable behavior for her to be disrespectful toward us. And by disrespect, I’m referring to back-talk, attitude, dirty looks, hitting, tone of voice, etcetera. I was pretty loose on this; calling her on it every now and again. And then it occurred to me that I was sending mixed signals; not setting clear boundaries and inadvertently telling Avery that it was okay sometimes but not okay other times. So, I (we) decided that it is not okay EVER, and now is the time to nip this behavior. And so we have, and it’s working. I’m seeing flare-ups here and there, but I feel like we're making some progress.

To sweeten the pot even more, I’ve tried using Avery’s love language on her (words of affirmation), and have absolutely loved watching the child glow. We’ve always praised her, but have recently tried being very specific with our praise, and giving it when we’ve noticed an intentional behavioral choice.

I took Avery to Blockbuster the other day, and told her “no candy.” She had a real opportunity to sock it to me, and I could see the wheels spinning in her head, but she chose to listen and stand next to me nicely, and although to some this doesn’t sound like much, for me, it was AMAZING. And man, when we got to the car I let her know that it was amazing, and the way she smiled, I know she got it.

And so, I believe it to be true, we aren’t doing our children any favors by not disciplining them or not holding them accountable. I hate the excuse of “that’s just who they are”—as applied to children or adults. I feel that’s a real cop-out. I think we’re expected to grow and mature; be better; be different; be closer to who God wants us to be and to emulate Christ more and more.

With Ave, I expect we’ll have some setbacks, but am hoping we’re on the right track. Ave, I’m so proud of you, and love watching you grow.