March 24, 2009

On My Mind
Expectations. Expecting one thing, but getting another—might be better, might be worse. Kissing the expectant dice, rolling them, and desperately wishing for the desired outcome. I’ve tasted both—the gut-wrenching disappointment, and the outlandish joy. Two extremes, often out of our control, sometimes within (choices).

It seems I’m on a journey of learning to manage my expectations, and I sincerely doubt that I’m alone. Here’s a real mind-screw for you: If your expectation is such, and the reality is different (i.e. better or worse), how do you handle it? Have you ever wondered if your expectations are dictating or playing into your reality?

For example, if I expect that Avery is going to behave badly, and then she does, does my expecting it is going to happen actually cause it to? What would happen if I expected more of her; expected that she would do as she is told? Would there be a greater likelihood of her doing so?

Avery had a great day at school, and I’m wondering what we did differently today to bring about that outcome. Were my expectations different? Did the full-court press PR campaign on the way actually yield results? My default is to expect the worst, so I love being surprised when my expectations are exceeded.

Status for today: To be more optimistic, despite knowing that disappointment and unmet expectations are inevitably right around the corner; to trust that God will use disappointment and/or hardship to grow me, and refine me.

Family Update
I can’t finish a blog post without reporting on my girls. Romey is almost sixteen-months old, and is our spirited little drama queen. She’s running laps around the house, climbing everything possible, demanding to be “in the mix,” and wanting to do everything that Avery is doing. We’ve been calling her Mikey—remember those commercials from years ago about Mikey, the kid who would eat anything? You know, “Give it to Mikey!—he’ll eat it!” That’s Ro—she’s ALWAYS eating, and consumes a massive amount of food. More and more she is looking very little girl-like to me, and I adore her infectious little smile and laugh.

Avery still LOVES school, and loves to be on the go. We’re always marveling at her energy, so thought we’d put her to the test. The test was the Forest Preserve's bike path, approximately 1.1 miles long. When she finished she was exhausted. I highly recommend it.

We continue to love Avery’s spirit, and still often find ourselves in an all out power struggle, going toe-to-toe with our little Avery. I won’t soon forget our recent battle. Avery snottily said, “I don’t hear you Mommy!” It was the final remark in a litany of disrespectful remarks, and I had had enough. I dropped what I was doing, administered her punishment, and said, “Can you hear me now?” I love Verizon Wireless.

Enjoy these pictures from a recent Saturday afternoon tea party!

Dan embarrassed to be at the Nelson girls' tea party.

Romey feeding Dan.

Sugar and........

........spice!

Bottoms up!

Gosh, she's a little lady......

And it was a crackin' good time! Ave hates to get her clothes dirty and wet. And, when the aforementioned happens, she has to remove that particular clothing item immediately. Although we encouraged her to go put a new pair of pants on, she elected to sit back down on her chair.

The Lesser of Two

“Wow, God has certainly blessed you with two gorgeous girls,” remarked some random lady at the grocery store. I think, “She’s right. But, I sure wish Avery and Romey would grow up more quickly. This stage is driving me crazy. Please, Lord, can I take a fast pass through the next few years?”

“You’ll never believe the stuff my second grade daughter is dealing with. The girls are horribly demeaning to one another. Friend, you don’t know what’s coming around the bend for you,” said my hairdresser. I think, “Oh, God, I can’t handle other people influencing/hurting Avery and Romey. How will I ever protect them? Lord, can't I just freeze time, and keep the girls home with me forever?”

Been there? Muddling through it now, but knowing what you might be up against in the future could be worse? Pondering the lesser of two evils? Pause or fast forward?

I’m anxious to have better reasoning capabilities with the girls; for cause and effect to really take hold. I’m anxious for the girls to be in school, and re-claim a little more of the Susan I used to know.

In the same vein, I’m anxious for the girls to grow up, and become more aware of the world around them. I’m nervous to be asked the hard questions, and face challenging scenarios. Dan and I often wonder how we’ll do—will we be able to do this job adequately? We’re afraid we’ll fail, but trusting that God will help us. But, sometimes, I’ve wondered: how in the world did He see fit to entrust us with these two children?

Status for today: Battle-weary. Desperately seeking strength to dig in, go toe to toe. To act mercifully, but require accountability. And, to not give up, but to engage.

Upside-down pacifier, and gorgeous brown eyes.

Color hour

"Stop taking my picture and wipe my face!"

Strutting her stuff

Helping with the laundry

Control

I’m drinking an iced-tea and snacking on almonds. Ro is in her crib asleep, and all it took was a quick hug, pacifier, and a blanket. Really. No kidding.

It all began with exhaustion—night upon night of interrupted sleep. Romey wanted a midnight snack and I “happily” obliged her. Just as with the breastfeeding (I’m sheepishly admitting that our first weaning attempt failed), I was hoping that she’d outgrow her desire for a middle-of-the-night rendezvous. But she didn’t, and I was beginning to feel chronically exhausted—foggy, impatient, out-of-it. And, what does an out-of-it mom do to recharge? Caffeinate.

And so I did. Before I knew it one Diet Coke wasn’t enough for that “early morning pick me up.” Then it became two Diet Cokes, and then some coffee, and then some more coffee (courtesy of a Sam’s Club jumbo-sized bag-o-beans).

And then Avery’s teacher mentioned that they’ve noticed a correlation of Avery’s behavior and her sugar intake. I agreed; I had noticed it too.

And then Mom’s Connection (church’s mom’s group) did a session on nutrition. I didn’t think we ate horribly, but gosh, I guess we’re not eating as well as we could be.

I was thinking: something’s got to give. And so it did.

Romey is done breastfeeding. Romey is done with the midnight feeding. I’ve cut out Diet Coke, and whole host of other sugary, processed, ingredient-laden stuff, and it feels absolutely great. We’re learning a ton about what types of foods to eat and when, and digging into the Body by God concept and Super Foods. It feels really, really good, and it feels good to be taking our family’s food choices more seriously. I’m not sure if these choices will prolong my (our) life (lives), or prevent unwanted diseases, but am hopeful it is a step in the right direction. I’d also like to completely kick my caffeine habit and start exercising. Stay tuned. One blessed week at a time.

And, please, don’t think that last week was easy. All of these changes—especially pertaining to Romey—were really, really, really hard. The parenting journey that we’re on continues to be challenging. It’s hard to do what’s best for your child. It’s hard to stop enabling. It’s hard not to do what the child wants you to do. We asked ourselves: “What’s best for Ro?” Romey needs to rest. Romey’s fifteen-months old and does not need a midnight feeding/pacifying. And, thankfully, she’s rebounded. We had a couple challenging nights but she did it, and I’m convinced she’ll be better off for it.

And, admittedly, I did keep an ice-cold emergency Diet Coke on hand for a few days before I asked my sister to stage an intervention. Aside from the caffeine, I’m concerned about aspartame. What do you know about it?

I must admit that it feels really good to have a small amount of control back; like maybe some areas of our lives aren’t spiraling out of control. And, when I've got $6.00 in my wallet (check out my favorite new site), and a half-naked flower in my hallway (see below), I need all the “control” (help) I can get.

Flower (Ro) looking at me and asking: "One more night, Mom?"