Headcount

I recently saw an advertisement promoting having more kids. No, it wasn’t really, but it was a masterfully orchestrated picture montage of a family of five. Naturally, the track was a lovely song; not the real audio of what must have really been going on to elicit such beautiful facial expressions, and loving gestures from all parties involved. Dan and I watched it independently and came to the same conclusion: we want more kids.

Of course, if you ask me after a full night’s sleep if I want more kids, the answer would be yes. If you wait until the be-witching hour, then I’ll tell you I’m done. If you ask on a Monday, I’ll say no. If you ask on a Saturday, I’ll say yes. Dan is also non-committal. Sometimes he’s misty-eyed and sentimental about the whole idea. Other moments he’s racing out the door before his alarm sounds.

And yet, we’re very aware that we’re smack dab in the middle of this window of opportunity. The time is now. Make a decision. Don’t get ten years down the road and regret not gutting through the newborn/toddler stuff.

Something (aforementioned advertisement) or someone always manages to conjure up the feelings of “Are we sure? Really, really sure?” Are we meant to be a party of four or a party of five? Do we really understand what it would be like for the dynamic duo to gain strength (and numbers) to become the triple threat and possibly EAT US ALIVE?

Transitioning from one child to two nearly did is in, and I wonder if going from two to three would be the final ‘nail in the coffin.’ And, even if we did put our hat in the ring, it certainly doesn’t mean that we would get pregnant. But, if perhaps we tried, then maybe we’d feel like we had done our part, and God would orchestrate it as He saw fit.

I think that God wires some people to handle bigger families, and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m wired to handle two. I want to know my girls. I want to provide them with as many opportunities as possible. To me, more than two children often sounds incredibly overwhelming, and yet some people raise three (or more) children artfully and gracefully.

Some good friends recently announced that they were expecting their first child, and Dan and I were (are) over-the-moon excited for them. Later, our sinister side sort of laughed about it, “They don’t know what they’ve just signed on for! This baby is going to kick their butt!” Of course, we were blissfully ignorant once too, and, those that see us/know us can vouch that we’re still getting our butt kicked.

Something unexpected happened: when this parents-to-be couple made their announcement I didn’t feel, “Gosh, I wish it were us.” In fact, I said, “Gosh, I’m glad it’s not us.” I felt like, “Hey, we’re beyond this. We’re done having kids, and we’re gleefully passing the baton.” Maybe?

I know one of my friends is reading this and saying, “Go for it!” She’s my dreamer friend, and full of faith that it will all work out. Realistically, though, I think I’m a little faith-less. Would another child round us out perfectly? Can we afford it? Is having another a responsible choice?

So, we’re going to pray about it through the end of the year, and see how we’re feeling at the beginning of 2010. If you’re in the same boat, and would like to share, I’d love to know how you’re processing your family’s ‘headcount.’